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Star Wars: the Alternate Prequels

January 5, 2011

One of the reasons Mr. Plinkett’s reviews of the STAR WARS prequels resonated so well with me is that I, too, found myself haunted  lo these years by their sheer badness. After the TPM review went viral, I exchanged a few emails with Mr. Plinkett’s alter ego, and he mentioned that the Plinkett reviews are exercises in catharsis for him. That once he’s finally gotten it off his chest how terrible the films are, he can put them behind him for good.

Just before his TPM review made the rounds, I had engaged in my own form of “creativity therapy.” Instead of just bitching about Lucas doing things wrong, focusing on the negative, I decided to do something positive — to write my own version of the prequels, and see if I could do any better for all my talk.

I think I have, if I may toot my own horn a bit. But you guys can be the judges.

Plinkett’s reviews are his way of putting his disappointment to bed. These prequel treatments are mine. Enjoy.

Star Wars: the Alternate Prequels

From → story, writing

  1. Read ’em. Loved ’em. My initial impression is that your treatment would definitely appeal to the adult who grew up with the Star Wars trilogy (like me). Apart from the action and explosions and all that, which would be fun eye candy for anyone, what will your average 9-year-old rave about? I’ll have to read it again…

    • dorkmanscott permalink

      Well, having grown up with the Star Wars trilogy, what did 9-year-old you rave about?

      Lucas’ mistake (as if there was only one) was in treating kids as some kind of separate species or something, requiring a different kind of entertainment than grown humans. But most kids love movies just for the sound and the fury. I loved Ghostbusters pretty much my whole life and I don’t think I actually understood what the hell was going on until I revisited the movie in high school. Give kids some action and some cool characters they can play on the schoolyard, and they’re happy. As long as you’re not making a movie that’s actively inappropriate for younger kids, with a lot of gore or cursing, a well-paced adventure movie designed for adults will probably keep a kid entertained too. Maybe because they’re so often “inner child” indulgences in themselves.

      It’s also possible to do the inverse and create a movie designed for kids that will keep adults entertained (e.g. Pixar), but I’m not at all convinced that’s what Star Wars was.

      • You’re asking me to remember back a long way now. I’m not sure I can give you a true answer on it. The sfx were cool, the light sabers, the dogfights, Darth Vader’s presence, etc. I came away wanting to _be_ Luke Skywalker, though I don’t remember exactly why. Damn it, now I have to re-watch it again.

  2. Frothy_Ham permalink

    I know this is a fairly old blog post, but I just found your treatment after Googling for alternate prequel ideas.

    I really liked your ideas for the most part, I could see it all working very well with tweaking. The only part I’m a little lost on is who Vader actually is.

    Maybe I missed something, they are two different people, the original is killed, and Anakin is the one that is recovered from the Lava and rebuilt, but he doesn’t know that? Or he knows it and lies about it? I don’t quite get the motivation/reasoning.

    I guess that helps with the reveal of ESB, just seems a little awkward.

    Regardless, a lot more enjoyable than what Lucas crapped out.

    • dorkmanscott permalink

      Maybe I missed something, they are two different people, the original is killed, and Anakin is the one that is recovered from the Lava and rebuilt, but he doesn’t know that? Or he knows it and lies about it?

      The second one. He’s taking on the Darth Vader identity as a way of abandoning his former life. As “Vader” there are no ties to his former life, or at least that’s his intention. But there’s a hint of himself still inside when he lets Obi-Wan go.

      I’ll totally agree that it’s kind of messy. But given how messy the Star Wars canon itself is, this was the best I could come up with to try to craft a story that would satisfy existing fans and not violate established canon too wildly, while being something you could watch chronologically and still get the impact in ESB. Not to say it’s the best possible, but I do think as you say it’s at least an improvement over what we actually got.

  3. Señor Spielbergo permalink

    I just got in the spirit and fleshed out my own alternate version as well. I’d love to get some feedback on it:


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