What the hell is wrong with people
The very first sign of the seriousness of the question I’m asking is the fact that I bet at least three things popped into your head as candidates for what I could be referring to.
I’m not going to be talking about any of the things you probably just thought of, though. I’ve got the chupacabra on my mind.
The chupacabra, if you happen not to know (international readers will probably be unfamiliar) is a cryptid, a legendary creature the existence of which is entirely unconfirmed and the evidence for which is wholly anecdotal (see also: Loch Ness Monster, Sasquatch, Compassionate Conservative).
Its name literally means “goat sucker” because, apparently, it sucks on goats. It’s supposedly an animal vampire that bites into its prey — usually goats, natch — and drains its prey’s blood, typically without tearing into the flesh other than one or two puncture wounds in the neck. It’s a Latin America thing, although over the years tales of the chupacabra have started to sprout up around our borderlands, particularly in the Texan outback.
Has anyone actually seen the thing? Well, no. What they’ve seen is the remains of dead animals drained of their blood and gone, “huh, that’s fuckin’ weird. I have no idea what would have done that.”
The problem is that, of course, they don’t stop there even though they should. The full thought process becomes “I have no idea what would have done that. It must have been a dog-like reptilian creature with a pronounced spinal ridge that hops like a kangaroo.”
It’s an all-too-common absurdity to assert the properties of something you admittedly know nothing about — not just in spite of the fact that you admittedly know nothing about it, but somehow following from your lack of knowledge — but that’s also not what the post subject is referring to.
What caught my attention is this news item, in which the appearance of a weird-ass animal carcass has people declaring that it’s a dead chupacabra. What it is (a dead coyote or coyote-dog hybrid, most likely) is, to me, beside the point. What makes me sit up in my chair is this excerpt:
“I don’t believe in the chupacabra,” Ayer said, adding that he’s been in the midst of a “media blitz” — receiving 50 phone calls from media outlets and citizens, as well as death threats late at night — since word got out about the strange beast.
What the fuck? Death threats? How does that even make sense? It’s not like the guy birthed this thing. It’s not like this is going to make people pay for healthcare or accept gay marriage. This isn’t a political or moral issue. There’s nothing you could possibly be outraged about. What about this situation of a taxidermist receiving a dead carcass could even make someone angry, let alone lead to “death threats late at night?”
What the hell is wrong with people?
- When I was in middle school, and early into high school, I considered a career in cryptozoology. Over time I became a little jaded with the fact that these guys never seemed to find anything that they were looking for, just stories about them and maybe a vague and inconclusive picture of something kinda sorta. Although I still picked up a career of making shit up as I go along, at least I know that’s what I’m doing. If we lived in a world where these things had a reasonable rate of actually existing, though, chasing ’em down would be my next choice of career.↩
- It’s actually previous carcass finds like this, in addition to sightings of “strange” animals, that have given the chupacabra its particular properties. In other words, the stories started with a very off-the-wall description that was slowly altered to match the description of things that people think they have seen. Eventually the chupacabra may actually exist, simply by virtue of people applying that moniker to some other animal entirely.↩