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She’s On The List

September 29, 2008

If that episode of Friends is to be believed, everybody has a list of celebrities that, if the opportunity presents itself, they would sleep with.1 I don’t know if that episode is to be believed, in the sense that I’m not sure everybody has such a list, but I certainly have one.

Obviously that list is of male celebrities, and is pure fantasy since most of them are (apparently) straight, and no, I won’t tell you who.

I have, however, another, shorter list of female celebrities that I would hook up with. On the Kinsey Scale, I’d consider myself a pretty solid 5, even a 5.5, but not a full 6. There are a select few ladies out there who are just so goddamn amazing, even I couldn’t resist.

Tina Fey is definitely on that list.

Tina Fey, in fact, is on a sub-list of that list. I wouldn’t just hit that, I would get down on my knee and propose and raise a family with her. Seriously, I love this woman. And I hope, if I ever actually get to meet her, that this admission doesn’t make it awkward.

And, that her husband isn’t around.


It’s not like she’s a new addition to the list, however she’s come back to the fore with her spot-on impersonations of Sarah Palin2 on Saturday Night Live. Everyone saw the first Palin-Hillary sketch a week or two ago, but last night she appeared again, this time in a satire of Palin’s trainwreck of an interview with Katie Couric:

Funny shit, but also a little scary. Why do I say scary? Because here’s the relevant excerpt from the real interview with Couric:


You see what I mean by scary? The SNL sketch practically doesn’t count as satire because it’s almost fucking verbatim to Palin’s actual answer.

Seriously, here’s the transcript of what Palin says. Now play the SNL sketch and read along:

That’s why I say I, like every American I’m speaking with, we’re ill about this position that we have been put in. Where it is the taxpayers looking to bail out. But ultimately, what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the health care reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Um, helping, oh, it’s got to be about job creation, too. Shoring up our economy, and putting it back on the right track. So health care reform and reducing taxes and reining in spending has got to accompany tax reductions, and tax relief for Americans, and trade — we have got to see trade as opportunity, not as, uh, competitive, um, scary thing, but one in five jobs created in the trade sector today. We’ve got to look at that as more opportunity. All of those things under the umbrella of job creation.

The way they sync up is almost like playing Dark Side of the Moon while watching Wizard of Oz, except instead of freaking out because that’s totally trippy, man, you’re freaking out because there’s a very real chance she will end up President of the United States if John McCain wins and then dies. And the odds of each one are, at this point, pretty much 50-50.

Even just reading it on its own, it’s impossible to parse. As Ed Brayton over at Dispatches from the Culture Wars put it:

She literally babbles incoherently, just stringing together a bunch of totally unrelated talking points that couldn’t make a coherent sentence at gunpoint. It’s gibberish. It’s word salad. It sounds like she’s playing one of those refrigerator magnet games with a bunch of words and phrases and trying to tie them all together.

And yet the campaigns are still neck-and-neck.

Sorry to cock-knock my male readers, luring them in with dirty Tina Fey talk and then abruptly seguing into politics again. But the Palin sketch just got me thinking. So much depends on Thursday’s debate.

  1. Ironically, it’s in the season 3 episode “The One With Frank Jr.,” and not the season 2 episode “The One With The List.”
  2. Who I would also totally hit — WITH MY FIST! AMIRITE?! HIGH FIVE!!

From → politics, YouTube

  1. Daniel Broadway permalink

    So, I had never heard of the Kinsey Scale before, interesting. I’d like to hear of your other female affections.

    So, if you are not a solid 6, does that mean you could perhaps be turned back the other way, much like Vader? Or maybe even reduced to 3? Humm.

  2. Dorkman permalink

    To be “turned back,” one would have had to be “the other way” to begin with. Which I can assure you, I was not.

  3. Daniel Broadway permalink

    Oh,well, true. I think you know what I meant though. Don’t take anything I type too literally, as I don’t generally think much before I type it.

  4. Drew Mazanec permalink

    Look, if you’re a closet heterosexual, we’re cool with that. It’s okay to admit it. We’re not going to judge you, and we just want you to be happy.

  5. DJ Smack Mackey permalink

    I keep laughing out loud when I watch this sketch. I’m at work with my headphones on and I’m cracking up to the point of tears at my desk.
    Funny girls are hot (which is why Anna Faris is near the top of “my list”). Funny girls who share my political point of view are hotter.

  6. Vapes permalink

    1. Jennifer Connelly
    2. Scarlett Johansson
    3. Natalie Portman
    4. Ellen Page
    5. Zhang Ziyi

    And Winona Ryder in the 90’s is my alternate, in case that ever becomes possible.

    Just a slight correction, the episode is about which celebrities you’re allowed to sleep with, and your significant other can’t get mad. If I cheated on my g/f with Megan Fox, the deal’s off. She loved Transformers, and ruining that for her just isn’t fair.

    However, she’s claiming the entire cast of “The West Wing”, but I decided to allow it since she likes the girls too.

  7. Daniel Broadway permalink

    The Palin/Biden debate is tonight. This should be interesting. I think Palin will get owned.

    I said as much out loud here at work, and my super hardcore republican co-worker was upset about it.

    I don’t see how some people can have such a blind allegiance to a specific party. He’s also known to have O’Reilly and Hannity books on his coffee table too, so that figures.

    I don’t consider myself either Democrat or Republican, as I don’t care that much about politics, but I’ll go with whoever I think has the best ideas, their party affiliation is not my concern.

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